7 Ways to Keep Your Spouse

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/relationship-tips


Relationship Tips 101

Since 1973, John Gottman, PhD, has studied what he calls the "masters and disasters" of marriage. Ordinary people from the general public took part in long-term studies, and Gottman learned what makes long-term relationships fail, what makes them succeed, and what can make relationships a source of great meaning. Below are some of his top suggestions for how to keep your relationships strong.



Seek help early. The average couple waits six years before seeking help for marital problems (and keep in mind, half of all marriages that end do so in the first seven years). This means the average couple lives with unhappiness for far too long.



Edit yourself. Couples who avoid saying every angry thought when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest.



Soften your "start up." Arguments first "start up" because a spouse sometimes escalates the conflict from the get-go by making a critical or contemptuous remark in a confrontational tone.



Accept influence. A marriage succeeds to the extent that the husband can accept influence from his wife. If a woman says, "Do you have to work Thursday night? My mother is coming that weekend, and I need your help getting ready," and her husband replies, "My plans are set, and I'm not changing them," this a guy is in a shaky marriage. A husband's ability to be persuaded by his wife (rather than vice-versa) is so crucial because, research shows, women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men, and a true partnership only occurs when a husband is able to do so as well.



Have high standards. Happy couples have high standards for each other even as newlyweds. The most successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, refused to accept hurtful behavior from one another. The lower the level of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship, the happier the couple is down the road.



Learn to repair and exit the argument. Successful couples know how to exit an argument. Happy couples know how to repair the situation before an argument gets completely out of control. Successful repair attempts include: changing the topic to something completely unrelated; using humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark ("I understand that this is hard for you"); making it clear you're on common ground ("This is our problem"); backing down (in marriage, as in the martial art Aikido, you have to yield to win; and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way ("I really appreciate and want to thank you for...."). If an argument gets too heated, take a 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are both calm.



Focus on the bright side. In a happy marriage, couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship ("We laugh a lot") as opposed negative ones ("We never have fun"). A good marriage must have a rich climate of positivity. Make deposits to your emotional bank account.

Rest in Peace

Green Tea May Fight Lung Cancer

Green Tea May Fight Lung Cancer

Green Tea Extract Tweaks Lung Cancer Cells in Lab Tests

By Miranda Hitti
WebMD Medical News

Reviewed By Louise Chang, MD

March 12, 2007 -- Green tea may fight lung cancer and could inspire the creation of new lung cancer drugs, scientists report.

But it may be too soon to count on a cup of green tea to curb lung cancer. So far, the scientists have only tested green tea extract against human lung cancer cells in test tubes, not people.

The researchers included Qing-Yi Lu, PhD, of the Center for Human Nutrition at the University of California at Los Angeles (UCLA).

Lu and colleagues exposed a sample of human lung cancer cells to a decaffeinated green tea extract. The lung cancer cells marinated in the green tea extract for up to three days.

The green tea extract remodeled a certain protein in the lung cancer cells. As a result, the lung cancer cells became more likely to stick together and less likely to move, the study shows.

Antioxidants in green tea may have tweaked the cancer cell protein, but it's not clear whether one antioxidant deserves all the credit or whether several antioxidants worked together, the researchers note.

The study doesn’t prove that drinking green tea curbs lung cancer in people.

However, it may be possible to make new lung cancer drugs based on green tea extract, Lu's team suggests. Such drugs would target the lung cancer protein remodeled by the green tea extract in the lab tests.

The study appears online in Laboratory Investigation.

SOURCES: Lu, Q. Laboratory Investigation, March 12, 2007; online edition. News release, Laboratory Investigation.

© 2007 WebMD Inc. All rights reserved.

http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=79784

R.I.P. Scott Halsey Jr. 12-06-77 to 03-07-07

I apologize for any typos, there were alot of tears shed while I was
typing this. I did the best I could.


Scott and I have been friends since Elementary School. I actually
remember that our class took a feild trip to the Space and Rocket
Center in 4th or 5th grade. My dad went with us so I had the option of
riding the bus with the rest of the class or to ride with my Dad. I
ended up riding with my Dad but Scott rode with us too. My dad didn't
really know him at that time. We ended up laughing the whole way and
back. Between being the new kids at school and being in CCD together,
we bonded pretty quickly. Our joke at the time, was that we were the
only brown people in our CCD class. In elementary school, I think he
had just moved to Athens and I had moved to Athens in I think the 2nd
grade. Neither of us had many friends so we gravitated to each other.
I remember how proud he was to have Davey Allison come to our Middle
School. He was a celebrity that day. I think one thing we had in
common is that regardless the situation we always could find something
to laugh about. And his laugh was infectious; If he was tickled about
something you couldn't help but be tickled about it too. I remember
asking m Dad for a brother when I was a kid. Well Scott embodied that.
He was always there when I needed him. And you know you never had to
ask Scott for his opinion on something, He was going to tell you and
he didn't bother sugar coating it. There was never a time when we
argued, fought or wasn't speaking. If I tried to hide something from
him he could always tell. Scott is huge part of the man grew up to be.
He will always live in my heart. He was outspoken and I was more laid
back, but when we hung out together we evened each other out. A lot of
how I feel about certain things, even the words I chose when I talk
are a reflection of him. That is why although he is in Heaven, I don't
feel as though he has left my side. I feel like we were like Siamese
twins joined at the heart. For us to be separated, he took part of me
with him and part of him stayed with me as well. My wife and I are one
person, one person. I think Scott could talk to either us from sun up
to sun down. Scott and I were like two peas in the same pod. That is
literally what he called us the other day when we spoke. Scott is
truly my brother. We grew up together, we had the same family, and I
know we would lie down our lives down for each other if it came down
to it. Scott would never hesitate to help someone in need. I remember
once when we about riding around, we saw a accident happen right in
front of us, he quickly jumped out of the car to check on people
involved and called 911. A lot of other cars drove by like nothing
happened; to be honest I probably would have keep going. But not Scott
he never gave a thought to not stopping. He was the president of TSA
(Technical Student Association) in high school. I was the vice
president. He really enjoyed being the boss, designing the shirts and
conducting the meetings. He never was afraid to address a large group
of people. I think one year we had over a hundred members. He was
stand up there cool as can be rattling off the things that needed to
be done, appearing to enjoy every minute of it. While he was president
the organization, we achieved things that it had never done before. We
always placed in state competition and raise lots of money for the
organization. I even jokingly ran against him for the Presidency, he
won of course but I just wanted to be to be able to boss him around
for a change. Scott was never worried about what anyone else thought
about him, I think he was only concerned with not hurting those around
him and always doing what he could to help. One thing that Scott
didn't do, which is something that his family has passed on to the
next generation is that he never saw race. It was not uncommon to see
Scott hanging out with people from all walks of life. Our high school
was filled with cliques and people routinely only hung out with
certain people but managed to stay above that. Black, White, rich or
poor if you knew Scott, you had a moment with Scott where you shared a
laugh or cry with him. He was the best man in my wedding. He was there
when my daughter was born, and was there when I underwent
chemotherapy. He knew my wife 2 years before I did. They argued a lot
when he hung out with my wife's brother. But when he found out we were
together, he was initially against it but being a true friend he
accepted it and supported me by being with us on the platform at our
wedding. Lately, he talked to my wife more than he talked to me.
People say I was with him longer than anyone else, the same is true of
him for me. He has been the lone constant friend in my life and I know
I'm better for that. When I got married and became a father, he moved
away to Birmingham. I didn't want him to go but in hindsight, I'm glad
he went and was able to find himself and live life the way he wanted
to. We still kept in contact with each over the years. The first few
years, he was in Birmingham, we didn't talk as much but checked on
each other from time to time. But the last couple years, we were
sending each other messages pretty frequently. I could tell he was
under a lot of stress but I never pressed him because I know he would
never put his burden on anyone else that is just how he was. I just
hoped that those of you that ever leaned on him, ever stayed with him
because you had no place to go, those who stayed up all night telling
him your problems, or had Scott driving you all over the world because
you knew he would and not ask questions, take time to realize just how
special he was and to open your heart to see through any thoughts that
may cause you to see him any other way. I wish I had actually looked
him in his eye and told him that I was proud of him and that I could
have told him the ways in which he made me a better person. Even
though he had to go, he left me with a bigger family that I always
want to be a part of. I think in everyone's life they meet at least
one person who is a friend above all other friends. That is who he was
and is to me. God blessed me to know him. No one will ever be able to
fill that void in my life.


No One.

R.B.